the crossroads?…

Ive been lost lately. I cant find my motivation for working, i cant find anything worth striving for. I have this vision of changing the world…this vision of changing the way people interact with other; on a more sincere and humane level at least. With that said, i dont know whats lacking from my life right now. Do i need to volunteer more, and put my big heart to work? Do i need to find at least one other person who i can truly connect with in order for me to function correctly; someone to vent to, to confide to, to show weakness to? Whether it being a brother or my wifey who i can fight the world with? Perhaps i just dont want to feel so alone in this fight of mine? Its like they say, its easy going with the crowd, but its hard staying put and being the only one who believes in something. Its currently 2:54 in the morning, its Friday and i have my cellular bio final on Monday. I am at risk of failing, but i dont know, i kinda just dont care. I am about to almost graduate too, but even facing that frontier seems daunting. The idea of going to the peace core after graduation seems ideal, but then i have this feeling of not being ready for that step just yet, i feel like im missing something. Perhaps, subconsciously, I always want to feel ready for whatever comes next and im just being a little bitch about things or just maybe im supposed to feel this way for this is what society has turned into; a place where people lose all humanity due to the cruel rules of the world. 

Im currently listening to lana del rey and her track born to die, and ive probably mentioned this before, but its so true….the sooner we accept our death the sooner we will be able to do things with our lives….have i not then accepted my death yet? Am i being hopefu. l of something more, or should the only hope i hold onto is that of my grave? So many rules and social pressures that we as people have to abide to now a days. People arent killing themselves, its this social sonstruct of society that is killing people. That’s the issue that we must address if we as people wish to move forward…nonetheless, back to a more personal and emotional problem, i think i need more people who i can call my brothers and sisters, and are willing to fight that fight with me. Its one thing me calling them my family, but its a whole another story when they reciprocate it. Perhaps, this is my sulky Leo side kicking in…the one that isnt getting enough attention and because of it turns to whining…

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